Rethinking Letters of Recommendation

Most students (and even plenty of professionals) approach recommendation letters the wrong way.

When asked, “Who will you ask for a letter?” the answers sound like:
👉 “My coach, because they like me.”
👉 “My teacher, because I got an A.”

Not wrong. But not strategic either.

If you want a dream recommendation, you need to think differently about who’s on your list.

The Typical Approach (and Why It Falls Short)

Students usually default to the people who are convenient: a teacher who was nice, a coach who knows their work ethic, or a boss who oversaw a summer job.

The problem? These recommendations don’t always carry the weight or alignment needed to move the needle in an application.

Reframing the Question

Here’s a better starting point:

If you could have anyone in the world write you a recommendation, who would it be?

One student once told me, “The CEO of NVIDIA.”

“Perfect,” I said. “If he’s available, let’s do it. Do you know him?”
“No.”
“Do you know someone who knows him?”
“No.”
“Are you at least connected to him on LinkedIn?”
“…No.”

That’s when the lightbulb went off.

Aiming high doesn’t mean being unrealistic — it means identifying people who could make a real impact, then figuring out how to build those connections over time.

The 3 Types of Recommenders You Need

When building your dream list, you’re looking for three kinds of people:

1. The Influencer

• Someone who could sway the decision-maker.

• Alumni from your target school, employees at your dream company, or respected leaders in your field.

2. The Champion

• Someone who knows your skills + character deeply.

• A teacher, mentor, coach, or supervisor who can connect your values to the role or program.

3. The Storyteller

• Someone who can bring your personal journey to life.

• A project leader, volunteer coordinator, or community leader who can highlight not just what you did, but who you are and why you matter.

👉 If you land even two out of three, your application just got stronger. Nail all three? That’s a slam dunk.

A Practical Twist

Sometimes, your best recommender is someone you don’t know… yet.

I’ll often ask: “What class are you walking into right now that lines up with the career you want?”

Students usually reply: “But I don’t know the professor yet.”

Exactly. That’s the point. Relationships can be built intentionally, and the earlier you start, the stronger the recommendation will be when you need it.

The Bottom Line

It’s not just about “who likes me” or “who gave me an A.”

It’s about:

• Who can influence the decision-maker?

• Who can validate my skills and character?

• Who can tell my story in a way that sticks?

That’s how you build a list that gets results.

✨ Action Step: Identify one person in each category today. If you don’t know them yet, consider that the starting line — not a dead end.

Next time: We will talk about once you have identified your people, the actions you can take to ensure they write the letter you dreaming of